1s defeat Chiswick to keep promotion bid alive

The inclement weather in the run up to Stoke Newington’s home fixture against Chiswick CC produced a wicket of questionable quality. The outfield meanwhile had fallen victim to the irresponsible dog owners of the Hackney area and was playing host to faecal matter of various shapes and sizes. Not to be disheartened Skipper Scott called upon the services of 3rd change bowler/ dog whisperer Rob Chadwick who roamed the outfield paper plate in hand removing poos as far apart as point and long on.

The overcast morning conditions suggested that bowling first would be a good option, a theory that the Chiswick captain bought into whole heartedly upon calling correctly at the coin toss.

The Stoke Newington boys who at this point numbered in the single figures were not too dispirited by this news, many of them mumbling quietly that this was just the opportunity they had been waiting for in order to score big runs.

It was decided that Youngster Jameel would partner Skipper Scott at the top of the order and the pair made their way out to the middle to face the music from the rather vocal new ball partnership proffered by the lads from West London.

The two capitalised on some ‘dead’ bowling to get the innings off to a flyer. However it was the highest of peaks for Jameel when he shnicked off to the keeper and departed for 15. Northern Joel came in at number 3, fresh from two weeks on holiday in America marvelling at the amount of trees in North Carolina. He didn’t hang around for very long though, opting to get out on 3 instead of scoring a hundred, a decision that many thought strange.

This development meant that new recruit Soyfur joined Skipper Scott out in the middle, looking to consolidate after a minor top order wobble. After ducking under a length ball and displaying some of the quickest wrists in world cricket, Soyfur came undone by the dodgy wicket and chipped up a catch.

With the score tottering at 60-3 Stoke Newington were in a spot of bother and needed a man for a crisis. With the beacons lit and the horn of helm hammerhand sounding in the deep Welsh Jack came to the crease. After a period of scratching about the welsh wall looked like he had played himself in. All good things must come to an end however, and soon Jack found himself facing the slow draw of the man in the white coats crooked finger. He was adjudged LBW to a ball that was never (*almost definitely) going to hit the stumps. 

It was at this point that people began to realise that Skipper Scott was still in. He had past 50 with ease and was now scampering between the wickets like a man half his age (*weight). His usual bunts to midwicket were now accompanied by a plethora of cover drives and assorted dabs and cuts. Smugness etched ever deeper onto his face with every passing boundary.

Skipper Scott was briefly joined at the wicket by Jamaican import Orande aka young Rass aka Snuggles, before the young lad chipped up a catch to short extra and departed for 1. Skipper Scott then found a more durable batting partner in the shape of Ishaq. The young allrounder, fresh from his final year in the Scottish Highlands applied himself to the pitch/ sitch and batted with maturity before smashing a ball to long on.

Scott meanwhile had gone past 100 much to the jubilation of the crowd (Vicky), his raising of the blade not quite going on long enough for Vicky to get a good enough photo for the Instagram account. He eventually succumbed to exhaustion on 125, surrendering his wicket with a little chip back to the bowler, in doing so calling curtains on the top score in the history of Stoke Newington first team and an innings that will live long in Scott’s memory.

The innings petered out with part time dog poo remover/lower order slogger Rob Chadwick insisting on the left field tactic of missing the ball. Having played and missed 12 times in a row Skipper Scott called him in with the score on 240.  

After scoffing a burger and a large number of Choccy Bs the chaps made their way out to the field licking their lips at the prospect of washing down their lunch with the blood of the oppositions opening bats.

Zabeh once again proved he is the best bowler in the league and possibly country with a scintillating opening spell. Swinging the ball like a banana he dismissed 3 Chiswickian batsman in quick time. Ishaq at the other end bowled tidily with little luck and the Chiswick boys started to dig in. With the sun poking its head tentatively round a cloud, skipper Scott turned to his trusty spin bowling battery to make the breakthrough. This initiated a period of cat and mouse between bat and ball, Stokey never quite letting Chiswick out of their site and taking wickets with regularity. Schoolboy Jameel carried on his wicket taking form combining flight and guile with one of the more pickable arms balls in world cricket. Meanwhile over at midwicket Simon took two age defying catches with alarming ease and suddenly Stokey were 3 wickets away from victory.

Staring down the barrel of defeat Chiswick looked to the draw as their saviour, leading to some pretty attritional cricket. With the overs ticking away and the pressure intensifying R. Chadwick watched a catch whizz past him in the slips and it seemed that the game could drift into a draw. Luckily the one handed Uncle Abul was having none of it, locating the outside edge to force a handy catch behind the sticks from the keeper. Not to be undone Jameel claimed the final wicket to finish with a second fifer in two weeks and Stoke Newington came out victorious.

Scott was magnanimous during the post match drinks, proving he is a social chameleon as well as a half decent bat. He bought beers and told the (largely West Indian) opposition about the time he went to Jamaica and met Chris Gayle, they almost seemed impressed.

Next week the Stoke Newington faithful play New Calypsonians in a top of the table clash. We are excited!